changes...
today my grandmother had passed away. she was my only grandparent while i was growing up, as my other grandparents had passed away when i was very young, so i felt very close to her. we used to go to her house for all the holidays, where the rest of my relatives would all gather. she had lots of energy and liked to keep active, as she worked until she physically couldn't. when she got to the point where she could no longer take care of herself, she moved to my parent's house and my mom took care of her. my mom did the best that she could until she realized that she needed help, and resorted to placing her in a convalescent hospital. even after that, my mom visited my grandmother 3 times a day, and went far beyond what normal people would do. i think the other residents at the convalescent hospital might have gotten jealous from my mom's frequent visits.

i tried to visit as much as i could. at any chance i was in the area, i would make an effort just to drop in and say hi. i saw the changes my grandmother went through as she got older. at first she was able to leave her room and comprehend a conversation. but as time went on, she became bedridden, had a feeding tube placed in her stomach, and developed alzheimers. i think the only thing she could remember is my mother, cuz she visited every day. my grandmother even had forgotten her english (her second language), and would only talk in japanese in the end. at the end, her blood pressure was weak, she could not open her eyes, she had a fever, and her breathing was unregular. i think she still wanted to stay alive but her body had gotten too weak.

i remember my grandmother would say 'i think i can stay alive to see all my grandchildren graduate high school', which she did. after that she said 'i think i can stay alive till all my grandchildren graduate college', which she also did. then she would say, 'i think i can stay alive to see all my grandchildren get married', which was a bit of pressure as i was the last to get married (but funny though), but she lived to that but was unable to go the last couple of weddings (i had always wished i could have a small ceremony of our wedding at the convalescent hospital, just so she could be there). maybe she wanted to see all her greatgrandchildren, but i think that would still take a couple of more years.

another thing about my grandmother was she was always happy and cheerful. i've never seen her mad or angry at anyone. while at the convalescent hospital, she shared a room with two other ladies. one of the ladies would constantly ring her bell for the nurse's attention. the other would talk in italitan to my mom, but my mom couldn't understand. but my grandmother would just lie there, watch tv, never complaining. my mom would always asked my grandmother if was in pain, or if she needed anything, but my grandmother would mostly smile and say she's fine. i think the other ladies in the room had gotten jealous with my grandmother cuz my mom was always there and i don't think anyone ever visits the two other ladies. how sad it is to be put in a home with no visitors. i'm really thankful for my mom. i'm sure my grandmother really appreciated all that my mom did for her.

my grandmother had lived a long and full life. i wish her well as she now journeys to the afterlife. i will always remember her during the holidays, and all the gatherings we had at her house. now that all my cousins have their own families, its harder for us all to get together. i guess everything eventually changes, whither for good or for the worse. nothing can stay the same, its just the memories that we have to cherish the past.

may you rest in peace, helen hanaki. you will not be forgotten.